It’s not the end, it’s just the beginning

Not that I really needed another thing to distract me from doing my work, but I had been considering getting a blog for a little while.  One friend actually recommended it for keeping yourself motivated to do projects so you have something to share.  I’m hoping to share a little bit more of my work since I don’t post many of my “best” photos on facebook or just to share something I’m excited about.

More than that though, this is reaching out for me.  I’m definitely an introvert who enjoys a small gathering of friends than going out to the club and meeting random people.  I generally keep quiet in crowds too and go along with whatever everyone else is doing.  I go with the flow, and I’m generally indifferent when it comes to making decisions, like “Where do you want to eat?” or “What do you prefer?”  I shrug and let someone else decide.

I moved out of the house a few months ago and my brother, who has been my closest friend (and “partner in crime” if you will) for many years has been a counselor at a fine arts camp and then goes to graduate school.  We have many of the same friends and did lots of things together and talk to each other about almost anything.  (And, he’s more outgoing so he did more of the talking.)  My closest friend is suddenly not so close anymore, and I have to rely on what little extrovert courage I have to do things.  So, instead of relying on my brother I relied on my friends in Hillsdale.

Our group of very close-knit friends has been growing up and moving away (marriages, seminary/college/graduate studies in other cities, etc.).  Slowly the group of super-close friends who hung out all the time during breaks became fewer and fewer.  So after my brother left for the summer (and not being used to having so much free time to myself in an apartment by myself) I occupied my time with the friends who were left in Hillsdale.  I called people all the time to hang out or looked for someone to spend time with so I didn’t have to feel quite so independent.  And I got to know my friends a little better on my own. And more than just spending my time with them my friends are my confidants, and the people I trust the most.

This week though marks a turning point.  More of the close friends I had relied upon to spend my time with have moved out of town as well.  And now that they’re gone I have to rely more on my own courage and strength  I have to find my own confidence to go out into the world and make a way for myself.  I am sad that my friends are leaving, but I also know that God has given me this time to make a way for myself.  By having fewer old friends around, it allows me to make new ones and find my way and that confidence that I wanted to find with them around but couldn’t find unless I was on my own.

So, here’s to finding that confidence and strength that I can only find by reaching out to other people and attempting to be more confident in myself.  I originally thought this would be a terribly devastating day when all of my friends were gone, but God has shown me that this ending to is simply the end of the timid person I was before.  This realization though has taken a long time to come to, but I’m excited for what the future holds, as long as remember to include Him in the center of my journey.  One of my recent devotionals said “We might learn more about ourselves…by pursuing the one who created us.”  And now that I have more time on my own, that’s what I intend to strive for.  See you through this journey!

“And they say (Oh, oh) things are gonna change now for the better and (Oh, oh) things are gonna change.”   Distmantle.Repair by Anberlin


One thought on “It’s not the end, it’s just the beginning

  1. Aww that was such a great post, Renee’! It seriously touched my heart, because I’ve gone through the EXACT same things over the last couple of years. I love you so much and I wish we were roomies again so we could see each other every day and have fun talks and hang out whenever we wanted!!!
    =D Kristina

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